and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
