You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
