I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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