dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
