Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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