What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
