im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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