is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
