I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
