we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
