Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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