This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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