FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
