I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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