i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
