Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
