They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
