I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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