Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
