i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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