I wish I could teleport
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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