why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize