Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize