Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
