to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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