No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think i have two assholes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
