Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
50% drunk capacity currently
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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