one two three fourrrrnication!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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