Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize