Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
