The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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