Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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