if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
