Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
