Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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