At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
