The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
