I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
