Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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