I am in a vortex of obligation.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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