Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
