I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
