Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
