I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
