I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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