I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
