he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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