Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
