They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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