Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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