Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
