and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
