so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
