I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
