Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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