oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
