he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
