You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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