I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
