My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
