peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
