It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
