i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
