dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
