I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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