I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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