I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize